When You Need My Love
by Rui
Summary: Jean and Duncan have a fight, and Scott knows what will evolve from that...


When You Need My Love

rictorstar@aol.com

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DISCLAIMER: I don't own XE!!!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my first fan-fiction with this series, please be kind! If you don't like it, let the silence speak for itself! GOD BLESS!! 

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I'm not pathetic, but I know they've had another fight. 

The way Matthews was carrying on in P.E., the incisive beatings he gave to everyone on the baseball field. Then later, at lunch when his jealousy shown through and he decided to make me the butt of all his jokes. Non stop taunts about being the "freak" and "shades at night" guy. 

"Don't you know the Michael Jackson look is long dead?" he had said. "Why do you always were those shades, got blood shoot eyes?" then he pretended to slap himself in the forehead and added, "Oh that's right, Mr. Military-I-do-everything-right doesn't know how to party!" 

They laugh, and I had to take it with a stern face. If I answered him, I'd hear about it later. Not to mention I'm more practiced in using my optic blasts than decking out with a moron. My stupid Achilles heel. I can't see anything but red and I can't fight in fear that not only would I lose face, but Duncan might hit the glasses then the Caf. and he would also loose his face. 

My fighting him would end up with her fighting both of us on the verbal playing field. Which is what brought this whole thing about. They had a misunderstanding and I get the short end of the stick. I get ridiculed, poked at, and pestered; but that's not even the worst of it all. The thing I hate the most when they fight is being used. 

Yeah, I'm her friend. No doubt about it, and I wouldn't mind being more than friends, somehow she never let that idea fly. She knows how I feel, everyone says it's obvious. So why doesn't she want me? Because I'm a freak? Because the color of her hair and her face are one and the same to me? I don't know why, but I do know when she wants me, is only when she's been fighting with him. 

She, Jean, might say it's all in my head, but then why is it in my heart? She'll come by later tonight and knock on the door and want to cry on my shoulder about what a jerk the jock Matthews is, but come tomorrow-it's back to him she goes. 

Jean only wants my love when she'd in danger of losing him. Then she swears that she'll never forgive him, but I know it's a lie. Jean is the type where Duncan will come to school with a pout and an apology and suddenly she's back in his arms-while mine are left cold and empty. 

Maybe I should tell her to go away when she comes tonight. Perhaps not even open the door, just let her cry by herself, suffer instead of passing the pain on to me. Tears will fall on both sides of the door when she realizes that I'm not going to help her through her men problems if I'm not the man in her life. 

Selfish? Well so are they. Duncan only likes me when Jean and him are making nice, and she is only my "close" friend when he hurts her. So who's the selfish one? I'm calling my actions self-preservation. Every time Jean goes back to him, she smiles and takes my chin in her hand and tells me there someone special for me out there. 

Not here, not there in front in me, but somewhere. Maybe that's why we never got together? She wouldn't have anywhere to run to if I suddenly was the one in her life, giving her some problems. She couldn't run to Duncan, simply because she wasn't his and his not that great of a friend to girls who have 'ex' in front of their names. 

Someday, someday I'll have a girl who doesn't want to use me as a sounding board for her OTHER relationship. She'll want me for me, and not to just use me. This is what I believe; I've heard it enough from Jean-just not in so blunt of terms. 

It's almost midnight now, pretty soon she'll come. Thinking I'm busy doing homework, or planning an exercise or something. To tell the truth, I have my homework done the night that is given in class. I plan all the X-Men's activities a week in advance, I wash my car constantly, hang out with others---anything to keep her from weighing on my mind. Sad isn't it? She's my best friend, and nothing more. So I might let her in, enjoying the brief time she wants my love, knowing that tomorrow Jean will no longer want it. She needs me, right? I need her, even if it pierces my heart to see her run back to him when he calls. I'll be there for her-what choice do I have? Not letting her in I guess, but I want her to want me so badly that I'll take any type of want from Jean she is willing to give. 

But, I'm not pathetic. 


End file.
